Security & Kids

So, we visited a new church yesterday...and of course, I get to drop off the young ones while the other parental unit finds an acceptable seating location (we won't go into how crazy that can be).

I get help locating the children's ministry location and begin the process of checking in the youngest 2...6 and 2.

So the lady asks their names and ages/school grade, to which she gets the appropriate information: K - 2 and M - 1st grade. She jots this down on 2 little pieces of paper and then stuns me for a moment with her next instruction: Please provide a picture ID. What...picture ID? I'm not buying booze or smokes here...I'm dropping off my young ones, so they can partake in age appropriate worship/Bible learning. Alas, I hand over my driver's license and receive a pager in return.

I'm figuring that's the end of it and head to drop them off at the appropriate rooms, when I'm directed to another station. Here a lady gets K's name again and my pager number, which are then written on one of those club/hospital bands...you know, the Tyvec ones that can only be removed via tin snips, chainsaw, etc. She attaches said band to K's wrist and then directs me down to their rooms. Maybe the teacher's might need some help with ID on visitors.

I proceed to drop the young ones off and head into service myself. Of course, having a sanctuary with cafe-style seating is causing the wife to stress a bit...she's more traditional than I am that way...needs her pews and the like.

Service was pretty good...with a line I'm sure made more than one person twitch in the throes of "He can't be talking to me..." as it was fairly blunt. Still, all in all, good service...didn't much care for the worship music though...but that is one I'm fairly loose on as long is it is headed the right direction, I can stand quite a bit.

So, service is over and I'm headed to reclaim my stored property...er, children. Anyway, I proceed to head toward the locations of temporary storage, when I'm politely but firmly asked to show my pager. I comply and proceed to pickup M...uneventfully. I head back to collect K, when the teacher asks to see my pager again...now wait a minute, I just showed it to that guy and by the way she tossed the toys aside and came running shrieking "Daddy", it's fairly obvious that she belongs with me. I calmly produce the pager again and after checking it against K's wristband, the teacher cuts the band off and reunites me with my second young one. I then head toward the apparent final turn-in point for the pager, with K and M in tow. I drop off the pager and am given my license and 2 pieces of paper. I'm then told to go to the last lady by the door. She checks the papers to ensure I have the appropriate number of children.

While it may seem excessive, I appreciate the nod toward securing my young ones, after all, I've seen the opposite when it comes to accountability as well. It still smacked of getting prisoners transferred...what with the whole paperwork/documentation requirements.

WTF?!?

So yesterday morning I was sweating like a pig in an attempt to lose enough weight/waist to prove to my new commander that I am trying to pass the Air Force PT test, so he will have a heart and let me stay in the service. It would suck more than just about anything I can think of to be separated from the Air Force at 17 years of service. If I am able to stay in, I have 3 years to be eligible to retire from active duty at age 39. And retirement doesn't mean stop working, it just means move on to a new career after serving my country for 20 years. I can't think of any bigger stress than to be told by your new commander that his view is it doesn't matter if you are making progress, you either pass or I boot you. Especially coming from a unit where the commander was very up-front about the policy of "Here are the teeth behind the program. Screw up and I'll chomp you, do what you need to and keep making progress and you are safe."

So anyway, I'm watching the TV and notice a news story that I had to go read for myself. Apparently, Reese Witherspoon is at the top of "The Hollywood Reporter"'s annual list of the highest-paid actresses. She commands between $15-20 million a movie...WTF?!? $15-20 million for what...6 months to a year's worth of work.

Apparently, Angelina Jolie came in second with similar salary demands, while Cameron Diaz was third. Nicole Kidman was fourth with a measly $10-15 million per film. Renee Zellweger and Sandra Bullock both pull in $10-15 million per film, as does Julia Roberts (although she hasn't been in a movie since 2004 - her next film is due in December). The top 10 ends with Drew Barrymore and Jodie Foster, both pulling in $10-12 million, and Halle Berry at a mere $10 million.

I work like a dog to make my measly Air Force Staff Sergeant pay to support my family and these ladies are paid $10-20 million to entertain us??? Wow, this system is screwed up! We will allow this to continue because we have to be entertained, but we will continue to pay our military members, police officers, firefighters, EMT's, and teachers like chumps.

Gillian Gibbons Freed

I was overjoyed to hear that the Sudanese president issued a full presidential pardon to Gillian Gibbons. Her only action was to allow her class to name a teddy bear. The children chose to name the teddy bear "Mohammed", after one of the children in the class. She didn't name the bear, the children did.

Which brings to mind several questions:
1. Why weren't the people screaming for her execution, also denouncing the children?
2. Why weren't they denouncing the people who name their children "Mohammed"?
3. Is there some kind of double standard for Muslims, wherein they can use the name "Mohammed", but no-one else can?

Society at large doesn't even think twice when people profane Jesus and/or denounce Christians as lunatics, yet God forbid anything be mentioned about Muhamed or Islam. We have a guy who writes a trilogy of books, where in the end, God is killed and nobody threatens his life. In fact, they make movies based on the books. Maybe if Christians had a lunatic fringe that blew things up, people would be more likely to think twice.

The world has become so afraid of offending Islam, because of a small few, that children naming a teddy bear will bring public outrage and calls for execution. I can't say I was surprised considering the outrage over some editorial cartoon/caricatures.

I am optimistic about the number of Muslims who have come out and said that this is insane. It makes me happy to know that common sense does exist and holds sway over people...even if someone supposedly "insulted" their religion.

Yesterday's "Shudder" Moment

We were enjoying a nice dinner yesterday of home-made vegetable soup (beef broth and frozen vegetables with some secret spice mixture of my wife's) and grilled cheese sandwiches. We were have some lovely conversation when suddenly my daughter started talking about "Dancing With The Stars".

Now, I HATE reality TV shows. I find the attempted reality far too offensive...why not just script it and be done with it. Anyway, M was apparently screaming yesterday the night before while watching the afore-mentioned show. What was a surprise to me was why she was screaming.

My 6 year old daughter has apparently developed a crush on an adult male soap opera star!?!?!?!?!?! WTF, over!?! SHE'S 6?!?! I could understand her liking the show...she is a dancer and it's about dancing...but crushing over a soap star??? Needless to say, my appetite took a short vacation, while I shuddered and had to go sit in another room to collect myself...

These kids are going to be the death of me...that or I will finally go the way of so many male animals and eat my own young...after cooking them, of course.

My Little Ninja Warrior

Ok...so occasionally I will post something that isn't a rant...who am I kidding...I only post occasionally. Something about my wife saying rants about the family being off-limits and people getting fired for blogging about work kills a ton of what I could use as fodder.

Anyway, my kids and I love cable. I love high-speed internet (duh...computer geek); however cable television is the absolute bomb. Mini-rant warning!!! I just wish I could pick and choose my channels. Why in the name of purple fish do I need every single movie channel??? What is the purpose behind the near insanity of 900+ channels??? Mini-rant over. If I could get away with picking channels, I would be in heaven. Give me Discovery, AMC, Sci-Fi, Science Channel, Military Channel, and probably a dozen others and I'm good. My kids love alot of the same channels...even the girls (which drives the wife insane).

Lately, however, we have been watching a lot of "Sasuke" on G4 TV. "Sasuke" is a Japanese game show...gotta love 'em. "Most Extreme Elimination Challenge" is great!!! Voice-over is hilarious and watching people bite it while attempting crazy stunts is always good for a laugh. Anyway, "Sasuke" or "Ninja Warrior" as it is called here is a competition which pits 100 people against a crazy-sick obstacle course. Half the fun is watching the insane characters that people come up with...who would have thought, "Hey, I'll string some octopi together and call myself 'Octopus Man'". Anyway, the kids and I love this show. So much so, that the baby will sit still to watch it.

Recently she began opening the child gates herself, by bouncing on the pedal until the gate pops open. However, today she attempted something different...I call it the "The Gap". You can see in the picture below that she was attempting to cross "The Gap" in true ninja warrior fashion, much to our amusement.



Now I can't explain the whole lack of clothing thing. Apparently, she decided that her "jammies" weren't a necessary part of the attire for the ninja warrior attempt. I love this child...she is the source of much laughter and bemused shaking of the head. What can I except from "Tripod"...so named for her penchant for placing her forehead on the floor while standing with her feet spread a bit wider than her shoulders and attempting to walk around her own head.

Anyway, enjoy and laugh, if you want to....I do :)

Teen Suicide After Internet Harrassment

My wife mentioned this story the other day and I went reading. Apparently a teen girl was out on MySpace (grrrr) and received a friend invite from a boy. What she was unaware of is that this boy was fictitous and would eventually turn on her and begin posting nasty things about her. She committed suicide, due in part we assume, to this activity. What is truly horrifying is that the boy was apparently the creation of an adult woman from her neighborhood and some friends and/or family. Now granted, we as a nation will probably never get the whole story, but based on what I've read...a few thoughts come to mind.

Okay...first of all...let me say I am sincerely sorrowful for this girl's parents. They have lost a child and no parent should ever have to bury their child.

Now that I've gotten that taken care of...here I go, albeit as respectfully as I can.

Suicide is the pansy way out of dealing with problems. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, which will in turn create problems for those left behind. All too often, the story gets out that the person had problems with life not being fair or some other excuse...NEWS FLASH...LIFE ISN'T FAIR...get a helmet and grow a skin. People can be rude, insensitive, downright mean and just generally crappy to each other quite easily. To allow the crass-ness of humanity to cause you to give away the gift of life is to buy into other people's opinions and/or thoughts. Guess what...we all have opinions and like butts, they all stink. Nothing in life is worth killing one's self over...period. I have a loving wife and 4 kids I love more than anything else; however...none of them are worth killing myself over. Dying to protect, yes...suicide, not even on a good day.

We aren't going to mention that children shouldn't be on MySpace...according to one of the stories, her parents mentioned several times to stop using it and stay away from the fictitious person, yet she persisted. Mayhap, stronger measures were needed...there are many methods for securing internet traffic and preventing access to questionable and/or merely unwanted content. Don't read any of the above to in any way excuse the...the...(My wife will appreciate the difficulty I'm having in controlling my language...a personal struggle) individual/s from any wrongdoing.

Now I've done it...I've breached the part where my paternal instinct to protect children takes over. If after all the investigation finishes, these "people" (read...vindictive buttholes) are determined to have been directly responsible for the harassment and/or culpable in the suicide of this girl...they should be dragged into the street and shot. Children are incapable of defending themselves and for that reason, we have to guard them with such aggressive responses that people think they've been tossed into a pit of rabid wolverines on crack. For a parent to even contemplate the perpetration of such a hoax on a child is unthinkable. There is absolutely no excuse...I don't care what the child may or may not have said about your child. Now, if you witnessed your child being physically attacked by another child, you as the parent are well within your rights to drag the offender to their parents and relay what you witnessed. Will that solve the problem? Maybe not, but that is as far as you can go. Again...exceptions..."A Time To Kill" is about the father of a girl who was raped and murdered, who then goes on to extract revenge. I can understand the emotion and reaction. I can't say what I would do in that case, but it would probably be similar. I haven't seen anything that indicates the girl who killed herself was physically abusive to the woman's daughter anywhere. So we are back to this happening over things said...

As I mentioned earlier, we will probably never get the whole story. However, all of us parents should take from this sad event several warnings:
  1. Be involved in your child's life...but don't try to live it for them or protect them from life. As "The Princess Bride" said, "Life is pain." The pains in life are what make the joys that much more intense. Everytime I am reminded of my son in the hospital with IV's being pumped full of anti-seizure medication at 10 months old, I smile at the realization that it was a freak occurance and he is healthy as a horse. Or when I think of my baby's feet purple and bruised because her blood sugar wouldn't normalize and they kept sticking her to check it at mere days old, but I see her now running or dancing or giggling.
  2. The internet is a truly dangerous place...wonderful, but dangerous nonetheless. The grasslands of Africa are beautiful...at least, from what I've seen on TV...but they are also deadly. There are animals that can kill us without so much as a second glance. The internet is similar. The collective knowledge of mankind is available, in a nearly instantaneous format; yet so are the sick minds that prey on others.
  3. As a parent, protecting my child is just that. I would gladly die to protect any of my children, but that doesn't give me the right to turn the tables and harm another's child. To pass beyond protection into the willful attack on another's child is beyond the pale. Anyone who would pursue these actions, should be stricken of their children and required to seek the most strenous help we can find. We can't fight our children's battles for them...we can only act as backup.

Now I imagine people will disagree and that is okay. Get your own blog and post your own opinions...see earlier for my thoughts on opinions.

Ammonia Factories

I wonder at what point I will stop listening when my wife and kids when they say that they will take care of new pets.

I am the sole cleaning service for a pair of lovely "Ammonia Factories"; which most of you would probably call guinea pigs or cavies. I refer to them as "Ammonia Factories" due to the lovely sickening aroma they exude. As the sole cleaning provider, I get to wallow in their by-products on a weekly basis; and I'm getting sick of it. I'm fairly certain that my wife who will certainly complain about the smell, would suffer through it until we all passed out due to ammonia fumes, rather than stoop to cleaning the cage. I can drop all of the hints I want and they will just sit and stew before she ever cleans the cage.

The fish are no different. We have a goldfish that we rescued when someone abandoned it and 2 betta's (who are funny to watch when you pull the little shade away and they start puffing). Have you ever smelled a betta bowl on cleaning day? Holy smurf noses! The smell sticks to your hands for a hour or more.

I wonder how hard it would be to explain that they got away while I was cleaning their cage. Ok, not really...I wouldn't be able to tolerate the tears and crying from the children. Far be it from me, a mere mammal and fish maid, to incur pain and suffering on my younglings.